Sunday, 21 March 2010
Let's be hasty and let's be reckless
Just being with you leaves me breathless.
And when I'm over you,
I'll be the happiest I've ever been.
Happier than you ever made me.
It's so weird. You're so different from all the others I have liked. We barely know each other and I freak out if you even say a word to me. It seems so unreal for us to be together, yet for some reason I can picture us together: talking, laughing, taking crazy pictures. As much as I want to give up sometimes, I keep on trying because something in my gut tells me that we are meant to be, and that one day, it just might happen..
Depression is such cruel punishment. there are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying with concern. just the slow erosion of the self, as insidious as any cancer. and, like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience. a room in hell with only your name on the door.
I used to be such a burning example. I used to be so original. I used to care I was being cared for. Made sure I showed it to those that I love. I used to pray like God was listening. I used to make my parents proud. I was the glue that kept my friends together. Now they don't talk and we don't go out. I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed. Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.
& i'm blasting my music
so i won't hear my thoughts
but it's stupid because the lyrics
remind me of what i'm trying to forget.
There is a difference in what we long for,
what we settle for and who we are meant for.
Like a rainbow after the rain, there’s
always a good thing after the pain.
You can't start loving
if you don't stop comparing.
We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection and dream of perfection.
Feed me another pill and i'll swallow it with a drink. Please just give me anything that makes it hard to think.
The days were long and rougher everyday. With each pill, life becomes a little more okay.
Sometimes it seems like you'd rather watch me
drown, than see your hands get wet.
&& they say im just another beautiful disaster.